Love, Ryou
by TheWammy'sHouseReject
Summary: A series of letters written to Amane Bakura from her favorite big brother. He knows he can tell her anything-something he can't say about anyone living.
1. Moving in

I've been sitting on this idea for a while, and I finally decided to write it down. for those of you who are reading 'What Is a Demon', I'm still working on it, but I have major writer's block. Updates will probably be really slow now that school is starting.

Dear Amane,

It's me, Ryou. I'm sorry it's been awhile since I wrote to you last, but it's been really hard to find time since I'm moving into this new apartment and all. So far, this seems to be going along just like any other move, anyway. Except this time I'm moving to Japan! Yay!

Okay, that yay was meant to be sarcastic. I'm really not looking forward to it.

How are things going with you? Is Mother happy? Be sure to let her read this letter too. I miss her so much.

Anyway, Domino City looks like it should be nice. My apartment has a really pretty view of the ocean, and if I open up the window in my new room, I can hear the seagulls. Do you have a nice view of the ocean where you are?

Well, I guess that's a stupid question. Of course you do. You can see every ocean in the world when you're in Heaven, can't you? It must look really beautiful all the way up there. Or is it ugly? Well, I suppose an ugly Heaven wouldn't be much of a Heaven, would it?

I'm acting stupid again.

I start school at Domino High tomorrow. I hope the lockers in this school are too small to fit me this time. Ha, ha.

Sometimes I wonder why I don't fight them back, even though I'm really angry with them, and I really want to hit them just as hard as they hit me. I guess that's what I get for being a fucking retard.

Sorry. I know you hate it when I swear.

I really wish you could be here, Amane. I feel really lonely here all alone. Father doesn't even bother calling me anymore. I wonder if he hates me. Is he mad at me for surviving that car crash? It's not my fault, was it? I was asleep when it happened, then when I woke up I was in the hospital.

I'll never forgive myself for fighting with you before you died. We were arguing over a stupid Duel Monster card! Then Mother put me in the front seat, and I fell asleep right before we crashed.

I never even got to apologize. But I'll try to make it up to you. I carry that card with me everywhere, now. I even take it with me to church.

I'll never let the Change of Heart be taken away from me. Not even by the bullies who keep picking on me. Because it's one of my last reminders of you.

Well, that's quite enough of me being depressing, now isn't it? Well, I hope things are going well for you, and I'll be sure to write to you as soon as I get the time.

Love,

Ryou.


	2. First Day

Two chapters in one day. Wow, I have no life.

Okay, here is the second installment of 'Love, Ryou'. Well, you already knew that, didn't you?

YGO is not MINE, damn it! *pant* *pant* sorry.

Dear Amane,

You know how I hoped that the lockers in school would be too small to hold me? They aren't. After the last period of the day, I got stuck in my locker for a good hour or so before the janitor finally heard me and opened it.

I think my problems started when the teacher introduced me by having me walk into my classroom _after _class had started and standing in front of _everyone. _I was told to say my name, but for a few seconds, I just stood there with what I'm sure was a really daft expression.

The teacher tried to be kind, telling me to take a seat next to a boy named Joey. He made a right royal fool of himself waving and shouting to me jus to make absolutely sure I knew where he was.

A few of the girls cautioned me, calling Joey a 'bad apple' or something like that. I honestly didn't care.

Anyway, he seems nice enough. He smiled at me and even let me meet his friends during the break period. Their names are Tèa, Tristan and Yugi. They treat me well enough, and even took me to the arcade to celebrate our new friendship.

I have to tell you, though, that it kind of scares me. You know what happened to all my friends at my other schools. What if the same thing that happened to the others happens to them? I couldn't ever forgive myself if that happened.

Just a second, I have something in my eye.

Well, a lot of things happened when we went there, and I don't know where to start. I don't want to bore you with the details, so let's just say it involved the letters KAI and it ended with Yugi getting beaten up.

Well, it didn't _quite _end with that. Something…_happened _to Yugi. He became this stronger, more confident version of himself. And, well… it didn't end well for the bullies.

So, I actually just got home. I told the others that I didn't feel well. I've used that excuse so many times that most people just assume I'm one of those sickly kids who always has a headache or something. My paleness doesn't exactly help either. Tristan even asked me if I was albino. I mean, seriously! If you'll look it up, albinos have either red, purple or light blue and mine are _clearly _brown.

Ah, well, not much I can do for ignorance, eh, Amane?

Enough about me. How are you and Mother? Did you let her read my last letter?

The phone's ringing right now, so I'll just wrap this up and go answer it.

Love,

Ryou.

Free cream puffs to all reviewers!


	3. I'm Scared

I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.

Okay, here's the third installment of my Ryou Bakura introspective! I stayed up til five writing it, so I'm sorry if it's bad.

Dear Amane,

How are things going at school? Well, _that's _kind of a stupid question, isn't it? You always do well. Assuming there _are _schools in heaven, of course.

Whether there are or not, however, seems rather irrelevant at the moment. Well, I need to ask you something. Do you have friends up in Heaven? Or does everybody just get along?

I wish I got along with everybody here. Today my gym teacher said some very hurtful things to me. Later he told Yugi and the others about what happens to everyone who's ever been my friends…

Sorry, I have something in my eye again.

What can you do when the teacher bullies his _student_? Nothing really, can you?

The worst part is that everything Kairita said was true. He only told them what really happened. I appreciate Yugi and the others trying to stick up for me, but-

I'm scared.

I finally know why my friends always fall into comas. You won't believe me when I tell you this, but there's another me. And that other me lives _inside _me.

I was writing this letter to you, and then I heard a laugh. It wasn't like any good type of laughter I'd ever heard. It was a dark kind of laughter. It could only be described as evil. I have to confess I was terrified.

He (it?) mentioned that they came with the Millennium Ring Father gave me when I was eight. So, I looked down at it, and the points of the Ring had _gone through my skin. _

He called me his new landlord. Well, that, along with either 'host' or 'vessel'. And by host, I mean host as in a host to a parasite. So, does this mean he (it?) is a parasite? And I'm his (its?) host?

I've always been frightfully superstitious. You of all people know that.

I'm sorry if you can't read this. My hands are shaking horribly.

Anyway, he said he would get revenge on someone who had disrespected me. I blacked out for a bit, and next thing I know the other me is being all smug, saying he'd finished his job. I can't help but feel like something bad happened to my gym teacher.

Do you know what frightens me the worst, though? Somewhere deep down, I _know _that I wanted something bad to happen to him. I'm _happy _that he got hurt. Whatever happened, I feel like he deserves it.

Oh, I feel like such a horrible person, Amane. I _really _want you here right here right now.

I need a hug.

Great, now I sound like a crybaby, don't I? Great. Just perfect. Can I get through one day without crying about something? If it's not about you or Mother, then it's about all the friends I've lost because of an evil spirit who is _apparently _living in my mind.

Yugi and his friends came over to check on me a short while later (as if things could get any worse). I tried to tell them to go away, that it was too dangerous- but that's when the details get really fuzzy. I remember being scared, and floating in a sort of dark veil. Then I remember fighting to get control over my body with my other half. Then…he stabbed my hand into one of the castle spires of my Monster World set.

Then I remember manipulating the dice he was playing with to help Yugi win the game. Then the dice exploded.

Then all I can remember is darkness. I was perfect and complete, so thick it seemed to crush me. I was fighting to remain conscious, but the dark just seemed so welcoming. I could feel no pain within its grasp. It felt so good…

No! I can't think that!

Amane, if you really do read these, I need you to answer. I feel lost.

Love,

Ryou

Reviews are appreciated! :3


	4. I'm Angry

Dear Amane,

I feel dirty.

I know you're going to be furious with me when I tell you this, but…ever since the incident with the spirit dwelling within my mind, I've been cutting myself. With my razor. It hurt, but for some sick, twisted reason, I liked it.

I don't know why I keep doing it, but I have to stop. When I did it three days ago I'd forgotten to take my medication, and I was worried the bleeding would never stop. Still, you'd be surprised at how easy it is to hide the cuts.

The good news is I haven't been getting picked on anymore. The bad news is that it's because they heard what Kairita said about me. Even Joey and the others seem to be avoiding me these days.

How are things up there? I'm sorry if my letters bring the mood down. I hope you and Mother don't hate me after this.

I went to church today and got a strange look from the priest. Does he know everything that I've done? Does he know about _him?_

I hope he doesn't. I don't want anyone else to know.

After Mass was over, the priest asked me if anything was wrong. Me, of all people! Here's a little overview of our exchange. I don't want to bore you, but there is some relevance here.

Priest: My child, I feel that something is troubling you.

Me: No, Father. I'm fine.

Priest: My boy, you do not need to pretend all's well. I can tell from the lost expression in your eyes.

Me: Father…I'm fine. I just don't feel well.

Priest: My child…

I walked away after that. I don't need to hear the blatherings on of some senile old has-been.

Amane, why do I feel so angry? I want to lash out at the world, but I know the world doesn't deserve it. I _know _the priest was right when he said something was troubling me. It's just that I can't let him know. _Nobody _can know but you, Amane. You and God.

With my luck, after I die I'll have to pay for my darker personality's sins. Damn it, Amane! I can't live like this anymore. If you read these, why the bloody hell don't you ever give me an answer?

…I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be taking this out on you. you know I have a frightfully short temper. Unfortunately, I'm more like Father than I care to admit. Speaking of which, do you know what he's doing now? He never calls or writes to me anymore.

Love,

Ryou

\


	5. Coming Home

Dear Amane,

I'm sorry. It's been _months _since I've written to you. But if you'll give me a minute, I can explain.

Currently I'm holding an ice pack to my head, so my apologies if my handwriting goes askew while I'm writing. I'm still waiting for the Tylenol to kick in. I'm sorry; I'm getting off track, aren't I?

Well, it started when I was watching the news. It started out fairly normally. All the normal rubbish about political affairs here and in the U.S. in general it was rather boring. But what really struck me was the final story of the newscast. Maximillion Pegasus was holding a duel monster's tournament on his private island. I don't know why, but I felt compelled to go, even though I knew I hadn't been invited. But something inside me got exited.

…And after that, I blacked out again. When I came around, I was in the cargo hold of a boat. I went outside. The shore was nowhere in sight.

Remember that one time you painted that scene of the ocean at night? Well, when I looked out at the inky water, I couldn't help but think about you. I wondered what you'd be if you hadn't died.

You'd probably be an artist. Or a pianist. Or a musician. Heck, you could have been anything you wanted to. Me? I'm just a nobody. A sad, friendless freak with no credit to his name. I don't do well in school, I don't have many friends (living friends, anyway), and I don't have any dreams.

Why did I have to be the one to live?

Sorry, I'm getting off track again.

Anyway, after the boat docked I tried to find Yugi, but the crowd was huge. Then I saw Pegasus walk out on a huge balcony…and that's when my memory lapses again.

You probably won't believe the next thing that happens. I was in a duel, but…I was _in _an duel. Literally, _I was the Change of Heart._

Yugi was Dark Magician, Joey was the Flame Swordsman, Tèa was the Magician of Faith, and Tristan was Cyber Commander.

I didn't want them getting hurt, so I took over one of my other side's monsters and told Yugi to attack me. I was lucky, and another _Yugi _managed to win the game without killing me.

The others seemed understanding, though, and I was able to stick with them for most of the tournament, watching Yugi duel.

When Joey got into a duel in a cave and we got separated, I heard the spirit of the Ring talking to me. He told me that things were different now. That he had different plans. He said he'd do anything I wanted him to do. He promised me…he promised me he'd bring _you _back. If only I'd put the Ring back on, and help him get the other Millennium Items. So I did.

I'm sorry. I hope you don't hate me. He sounded so sincere…and I couldn't turn down a chance to have you back. Even though he's probably lying to me.

Anyway, we got trapped in the cave and had to find another way out. The ring began pointing out the way. We found our way into a labyrinth, and these two crazy twin brothers challenged Yugi and Joey to a duel. Long story short, Yugi and Joey won. My Ring pointed us all the way through the forest to Pegasus's castle.

I must confess that things didn't get terribly interesting again until Yugi surrendered in his duel against Seto Kaiba. Kaiba was really cruel to Yugi, and I wanted nothing more than to throttle him.

Afterwards, the hard part was actually getting _into _the castle. Mai was able to distract the guards long enough for us to run in anyway. Well, the distraction didn't seem too hard. Especially not for a woman with such great (ahem) _assets _as her. What? I'm a teenage boy, after all.

Well, we made it in…and I must admit it was a magnificent setup. Pegasus welcomed all the finalists with a huge feast. I was starving, so that came as a nice surprise.

That night, I was having trouble sleeping. Tristan knocked on my door, telling me that something was wrong, and we went to talk to Tèa. I won't bore you with the details, but Kaiba lost a duel with Pegasus, and ended up losing his soul as a result.

I have another memory lapse after that, but when my memory picked back up it was time for Yugi to duel Pegasus. I'm sorry, but am I the only one who thinks that playing a children's card game to determine the fate of you r soul is ridiculous?

While I was watching the battle, my other half decided he wanted to talk to me. He kept whispering things in my head and telling me exactly _how _he intended on keeping our bargain. I swear I'll be having nightmares about it for the rest of my life. I really wish I hadn't listened to him, Amane, but I want you back.

He told me he needed to borrow my body for a bit. I tried to complain, but he threatened to take it by force if needs be. I decided it would just be better to get it over with, so I consented, and faded into darkness again.

I don't know what he did, or what happened to him, but I awoke slumped over the railing I'd previously been standing over. My Millennium Ring wasn't around my neck anymore. Mokuba was laying next to me, also apparently unconscious. Or dead.

I stood up and my friends were standing along the floor below, right beside the arena. I waved to them, and asked where my Ring had gone. Tristan said he'd gotten rid of it because it made me act like a 'freak'. Well, I do thank you for pointing that out, Captain Obvious! I was well aware of how it made me act. Then I black out again, and the next thing I remember is I'm being told by the others that I needed to hurry and get in Kaiba's helicopter.

Long story short, we received a ride home from a very unwilling and rather surly Seto Kaiba. It was fun though. I'd never ridden in a helicopter before.

I'm sorry for the abysmal quality of this account. I blacked out in a lot of places, as I'm sure you noticed, and in others, I feel as if I could have paid more attention. Did I mention how Yugi almost got burned to death by some guy called Panic? I guess I didn't.

I'm sorry this is taking so long. I'm sure you have better things to do than read this drabble, but I'm almost finished, so bear with me.

I started this letter telling you about a headache, didn't I? Well, the headache came from listening to Tristan and Joey bicker the whole way home. For _five hours. _

I think the Tylenol is starting to kick in. I'll wrap this up now and go take a nap, but first I've got to ask you something. Do you read these letters? If you do, please tell me what you think I should do about…him. If you don't…well, that'll be pretty obvious, won't it?

Love,

Ryou


	6. I'm a Murderer

Dear Amane,

I'm a murderer.

Even though I've been in the shower scrubbing myself for almost two hours, I still feel the blood on my hands. That all-pervasive guilt that a human life has been stolen by me. It's a terrible feeling.

You see, I'd felt rather guilty about the bargain I struck with my other half on the island a few days back. I tried to back out of the deal we had made, but he wouldn't let me.

I got angry. I told him I didn't want any power. I said I didn't want you back, that I you were better off in Heaven. But then he laughed at me. Sinister, dark and cold.

"Please, Landlord," he said to me, "you don't need to lie. If one takes the time to…get to know you as I have, it becomes blatantly obvious you want this power. And even if one is a complete stranger to you, the lost expression on your face is proof enough."

That scared me. I began to wonder how much he really knew about me. I asked, terrified of the answer. And what he said only confirmed my fears.

"Oh, I'd say I know you quite well," he replied. "Better than you know yourself, I'd wager."

He knows me better that _I _know me. he took advantage of my temporary catatonia and threw me into the shadows again.

I came around rather slowly this time. As if I'd been horribly hurt. I wondered how long I'd lain there.

I tried to stand up, but I felt dizzy and immediately fell down. I think that's when I noticed it.

There was a man in a museum guard uniform laying in front of me, a knife sticking out of his chest. He was covered in blood, and so was I. My stomach sank. It was _my _knife sticking out of that guard. It was _my_ knife that killed him.

I felt like throwing up when I looked the guy over. Someone (and it wasn't hard to guess _who_) had carved a giant eye into his skin, tearing through the fabric.

I think I fainted after that. I came around again and felt a sharp pain running up my left arm. when I turned it around to look at it, I very nearly screamed.

There, spelled out _into my skin, _shining red and still bleeding, was a phrase:

_I only did what you let me do._

I let him.

I let him so this, Amane. I can't do this anymore. I got home and took my medication. It seems like I always forget my medication right before I really need it. ever since the doctor told me that I had hemophilia, it seems like my memory's gone down the tubes.

Anyway, I tool care of my cuts (rubbing alcohol. Very painful) and flushed the knife down the toilet.

They'll never know it was I. I could have left the knife there, because trying to catch a criminal in Domino City is like trying to capture lightning in a bottle, but I don't want to take any chances.

I've got to get rid of him, Amane. I can't stand idly by and let him continue to hurt people. I don't know why he killed that museum guard in that alleyway. I don't know why he wants the Millennium Items. I don't know why he hates the Pharaoh.

All I know is that I need help. And I'm going to get it.

I'll write you about what happens as soon as I get back. I'm going to try and put a stop to this.

Love,

Ryou

P.S: I really hope this is going to work.


	7. I Scared a Priest

Dear Amane,

It didn't work.

It didn't work and now he's angry.

I can feel it in the back of my mind. He's seething. He's whispering to me how he won't let me get away with what I tried to do. About how nothing is going to separate us.

I went to the church last night, around six o'clock. When I went in, it was just the priest and I.

He turned around when the door shut behind me. He asked me what was wrong. I opened my mouth, and everything spilled out before I could stop myself. I was crying, shouting, and making a real scene. I told him everything. About you, mother, father…and my other half.

I ranted for the better part of an hour, and the priest just stood there listening to me as I dumped my emotional garbage on him. I told him about how you and mother died, and how guilty I felt. I told him about how father doesn't care about me. I told him about the man in the alley my other half had murdered.

He didn't stop me. He didn't judge me. He just _listened _to me, and that's a lot more than anyone's done for me in a long time.

When I was done ranting, I'm sure I had the priest highly disturbed. He looked at me like one would look at someone who was near death. He led me into a room in the back of the church and told me to sit down.

He walked out of the room, leaving me alone to cry.

I heard him talking to a woman on the other side of the door. The phrases 'troubled boy' and 'that poor child' popped up often. They were gonna send me to the mental asylum. At least, that's what I thought.

I was left alone for quite some time, alternating between trying to stop my tears and trying to make out what they were saying about me.

Finally, the priest came back in, and I caught a glimpse of what looked like a nun (there were _nuns _here in Domino?) leaving the building. He looked at me with an understanding expression. I asked him if he thought I was insane.

"My child, I think not."

It felt like a knot had been undone in my stomach. _He actually believed me!_ I thought for sure he'd never buy into this. I think I smiled. Just a bit.

_I think not…_so there was still a _slight _chance he thought I was stark raving bonkers. But still, that was better than having him call a mental hospital.

The priest picked up a large golden crucifix. I asked him what he was going to do. He told me that, if there truly was a demon possessing me, then he was going to exorcize it.

_He was going to get rid of him. _I must confess that made me feel a little better. Getting rid of this monster dwelling inside me forever. It seemed like a good idea at the time. So I agreed.

He told me to close my eyes and touched the crucifix to my head, and began saying things I didn't pay attention to.

I began feeling a strange tingling sensation run through me. I felt warm all of a sudden. It was getting hard to breathe.

I could almost feel my other half struggling inside me, fighting to stay linked with me. It was like there was a rope connecting our minds, and the words the priest was speaking were a knife hacking away at the material. But Bakura would not let go without a fight, and seemed to be struggling to hold the two ends together.

I was shaking to the point of having a full-blown seizure, the words spoken alternated between the priest performing the exorcism and the demon inside me shouting curses at me.

"Demon, feel the fires of Hell burning you!"

"_I'm never going to leave you!"_

"Flee from this child!"

"_Do you think that this will work? I will never leave you."_

I think I may have screamed. Then everything went black.

When I came round again, the priest looked absolutely terrified. He stared at me as if I was the devil incarnate.

I was out of my chair, and holding some blunt metal object in my hand. I let it go, and it clattered to the ground. I made myself look down. It was the priest's crucifix.

"I'm so sorry," I said. "So sorry."

I ran out of the room and was halfway through the door before I heard the priest call to me.

He gave me another understanding look.

He told me it wasn't my fault. He tried to reassure me, but I couldn't be consoled. I started crying again. How can someone cry as much as I can? I'm surprised my body can even hold this many tears.

The priest told me to go home and pray, and that I could always come to him if I needed to talk. I thanked him and headed toward home with that intention.

I went into my room, knelt down and poured my heart out to the Lord. If anyone could save me, he could. Surely, He'd never turn his back on one of His most faithful children…right?

I don't remember doing anything _personally _to make Him angry with me. I say all my prayers and Hail Mary's and go to church and confession every week. I don't fight or drink or swear. I read the bible every night and do my homework. I don't lie or cheat. I try to be nice to people and be a good person.

Maybe…maybe it's because I _do _all those things, but I really don't care much for them. There are some times when I feel like skiving off church, but I never _let _myself. That's got to count for _something._

Oh, who am I kidding? It must be my other half that's caused the Father to forsake me.

I just wish God would hurry up and banish me to the fires of Hell. Then at least I'll be free of this monster.

Why did everything go wrong, Amane? There was a time where everything seemed wonderful, and life was easy. But then something happened and it all went wrong.

First you and mother died and father gave me the Ring. Then one by one every other facet of my life was torn down.

I make myself feel better with empty words that all will be well soon, when I know they will not. It never lasts for long, anyway.

…I really am sorry. If I can't say something pleasant when I write to you, then maybe I should just stop writing altogether.

Love,

Ryou


	8. Bad Day

YGO is not mine.

Dear Amane,

I had a rough day today. Well, rough in a manner of speaking.

I was walking out of language arts at the end of the day when the teacher asked me to stay after class. To be honest, I thought I was in trouble. Maybe I'd plagiarized something unintentionally on our last essay or something like that. Turns out it wasn't.

I asked her what was wrong, smiling my usual, fake smile.

"Ryou, is there something you need to talk about?" the teacher asked I have to admit, _that _caught me off guard. My smile fell.

She held up a poem I turned in for an assignment last week. There was a one hundred marked on top of the paper, so I confess I didn't know what this was about.

She pointed to the block of writing underneath my name. Let me see if I can remember what I wrote…

The demon lives inside of me,

It lurks behind my eyes.

I've learned to suffer silently,

For no one hears my cries.

I make my wrists weep crimson,

As I stare out at the moon.

I pray that all my suffering,

Shall come to an end soon.

Forsaken by even God himself,

I'm helpless to end the strife.

Perhaps it would be easier

To simply end my life.

"Ryou…are you thinking about committing suicide?"

That question _really _caught me off guard. I said of course I wasn't, but I could tell she didn't believe me.

All in all, I was stuck in that classroom for about forty fie minutes before she let me go. She not-so-subtly hinted that I needed to see a psychiatrist, and that she'd be telling the school counselor about me.

By the time that I got outside, it was pouring. Lighting flashed, and I heard the clap of thunder ten seconds later.

As if I couldn't be any more miserable, as I was about to cross the street, a truck drove by, running though a puddle and drenching me head to foot in muddy water. I cursed under my breath, and entered my apartment building soaking wet.

On the elevator heading up, I was silent, listening to the steady dripping of water off my hair and clothing.

I sat down and turned on the television, procrastinating my homework until later that night. Nothing was interesting, and I got hungry. I pulled some leftover Chinese food (ha, Chinese food in Japan) out of the fridge, and went back to the mindless drivel on the set.

It was better than facing my reality.

Love,

Ryou


	9. Weird Day

Dear Amane,

I had the strangest day today. It started out fairly normal; I woke up from a nightmare and went to school as I always do, sitting in the far back of the class and keeping quiet.

Then, an announcement came over the intercom, telling me to come to the front office. Some of the students laughed. Joey gave me an apologetic smile. I walked out of the classroom, keeping my gaze fixed firmly forward.

I walked into the front office and asked why they called me up. I was pointed toward the school counselor's office.

I went to the door and knocked. The counselor opened the door and smiled at me, telling me to come in.

He said his name was Mister Daichi and he wanted to talk to me. I sat down in one of the big squishy armchairs. It wasn't the first time I'd come into the counselor's office, you know. I just had to tolerate it enough to not break the façade.

He asked me about the poem I'd written. He told me how serious suicide was, and did I realize that? I told him I did.

He asked me if something was bothering me. And I told him-in as bland a way and with as few details as possible- about what's gone on in my life. He asked me about how I felt about it-at which point I hushed up and refused to open my mouth again.

The counselor looked concerned. He talked to me about unimportant matters. He asked me how my grades were. I said excellent. He asked how my friends were treating me. I said fine. He asked what kind of music I liked. I said Linkin Park and Evanescence.

With every question he asked I could sense him trying to pry the truth out of me. So, I worded every sentence carefully, dancing around everything I did not want him to know.

Finally, he had to let me go back to class, but he told me I could come back if I needed to talk.

I already talk to my priest. I don't need anybody else's help. But I said okay anyways.

He smiled and let me go. I waved, smiling as best I could. I don't think he bought it. Still, he left me alone, and that's the best I could have hoped for.

Two whole class periods had gone by when I got back into the classroom. I'd arrived just in time for the break. My friends were negotiating a card trade in the corner, apparently in some sort of a disagreement. I took my seat silently, resting my head in my hands. I was bored out of my mind and more than a little irritated.

I had a library book in my backpack, but I didn't much feel like reading. I had my Mp3 player in my pocket, but there was nothing on there that interested me. So I contented myself with staring at the wall, letting my eyes drift closed as I dozed off.

In my dream, I saw fire and other…unpleasantness. Fortunately, Joey shook me awake soon after. He told me I'd been muttering in my sleep. I smiled and told him I was alright, so he left me alone.

The bell rang a few minutes later, catching me off guard.

My next class was language arts, and I never thought I'd be less happy to see a teacher. She flashed a grin at me, a look that seemed to say _'I won'._

She began her lesson, and I almost wished I had that teacher I'd been told about earlier who liked to break people's hearts. She may or may not have been a bit more tolerable.

Anyway, I got home and had a message left on my answering machine. It was from Father. He said he'd gotten an e-mail from my teacher talking about the English assignment and wanted to talk to me. So, as soon as I'm done with this letter I'll have to call him.

Do you think he could talk to me _without _thinking something's wrong?

Love,

Ryou


	10. Mad for No Reason

Dear Amane,

I'm angry right now. I'm angry and I _know _I shouldn't be. Because, you see, nothing happened to make me angry.

I was watching the news while folding the laundry as I normally do. An announcement came from the owner of the new Egyptian exhibit, saying that game fans were especially welcome. Needless to say, I turned off the set and set off to make myself presentable before I left (wearing ratty jeans and a stained not-so-white tee-shirt is seldom becoming to anyone).

A few hours later, I was standing in front of the museum double doors. I had my hand on the door before a man burst through and shoved me to the ground as he rushed past.

I opened my eyes after a few moments to see a dark hand reaching out toward me. A tan man with a turban and deep blue eyes was looking at me with an expression Father used to look at me with. That sort of silent disapproving gaze.

He spoke to me in a soft voice, telling me to take his hand. So I did, and he helped me up.

I thanked him, and then he said something strange.

"You are lost."

I told him I wasn't lost, that I'd been coming to the exhibit when I'd been knocked down.

"I'm not speaking of that, boy," was how he replied. "For any ordinary loss in direction can be remedied by finding landmarks or asking for the right direction. You are lost within yourself, and that is not nearly as easy to fix."

I was silent at that, and I asked him how he knew that. He jerked his head inside, and I followed him into the building.

He told me about my darker half (well, a little bit, anyway). He told me about ancient power and games and all that, I wasn't paying much attention. Then he stopped abruptly, saying that he sensed a dark presence within me.

I said of course, because of the spirit possessing me.

He shook his head soberly, saying that this monster dwells within my own heart. I told him I was confused. He said that this was the problem. That I was lost inside and I didn't know who I was or what I wanted.

He introduced me to the owner (Ishizu, I think her name was) and she smiled at me.

She was pretty, with long dark hair and bright blue eyes. They were sort of like yours, but a lighter shade.

She asked to see my Ring, and I let her. She held it in her hands, turning it over several times. It caught the light from the buzzing fluorescent tubes overhead, glinting off the smooth, golden surface.

Ishizu let go of the Ring, letting it fall back down to lay against my chest. She asked me what I thought of it. I said it was alright-a bit flashy, but it was the only gift I'd gotten from my father in years. Then she asked how I felt about the spirit that lives inside it.

That's what set me off. I told her how stupid that question was- of course I hate him! He takes over my body. He demands control of me. He's like a parasite-like a cancer, eating away at my soul. I yelled at her, knowing I shouldn't lash out at her but wanting to lash out at _someone._

I told her about the person he had murdered, and about the constant sense of foreboding that he gave me. I ranted until I was blue in the face and still didn't feel any better. Then I broke down crying. I ask you: how is it possible that I can cry so much? I feel like an overemotional teenage girl. Come to think of it, maybe I _am._

That was meant as a joke.

Ishizu and the man in the turban exchanged concerned glances. The man walked up to me, putting a hand on my shoulder in what was clearly meant to be a comforting gesture, but for me was considerably less so.

He said that I was unique among my friends-unique among the world. He said of all the people who have owned the Ring, I am unique among them because I can bear the burden without being destroyed. That it was up to me to keep the Item safe until it was needed.

He said it was my burden, but I didn't have to bear it alone. He reminded me that I had my friends to help me.

I laughed at that. And not just a little chuckle. I flat out laughed at that. It just struck me as amusing. If my friends had never been there before, why would they bother now?

The man told me to be quiet. He went on to talk about the future, and how the events of the past would be repeated, and that I had a vital role to play. _Me! _Playing a vital role in _anything! _For the love of Pete, this was getting ridiculous! And I wasn't afraid to say so, either. I slapped the man's had off my shoulder.

Ishizu frowned at me, telling me that if I could believe in the supernatural, then I could believe that I could do something important. That made me laugh again as I told her that me doing something important was far beyond the supernatural. I then informed her that I was only here for the Egyptian exhibit, not for a lecture about life. Ishizu gestured for the man to leave, and he did, vanishing rather quickly might I add.

Ishizu took me o a tour through the various sundries from times long gone. Then she showed me a large slab of stone. And I just thought, _Oh my gosh, a giant rock! _Rather sarcastically.

She pointed out the people who appeared to be battling on the stone. I gave a jolt. It looked like Yugi. And he was battling with the Dark Magician! I couldn't believe it!

Ishizu pointed out that the man on the opposite side was Seto Kaiba, dueling with the Blue Eyes White Dragon.

Seto Kaiba…of course! He was the man who had walked out of the museum in such a rush. I thought he looked familiar.

Then she showed me some pictures beneath the duelists. I almost passed out at this one, Amane. It was _me._

Well, at least, that's what Ishizu said. I was considerably better looking than I am in real life. And apparently, I had a scar a couple thousand years ago.

I was battling with a Diabound, a card I neither own nor want to own. I told Ishizu I'd seen enough, and I left with her calling my name.

I froze. I asked her how she knew me. she said that she had a sixth sense for these types of things.

Right.

So yeah. Now I'm home. And for some reason, the whole thing makes me furious. Why am _I _so important?

Anyway, I'll leave you alone for now.

Love,

Ryou


	11. Another Bad Day

Dear Amane,

I had another unpleasant day today. Well, considering how _my _life goes, it wasn't exactly bad. By my standards, at least.

Well, for starters, it was raining. Hard. It was almost always raining back in London, and I _hate _it. Not only that, but the rain continued on even _after _school was over, without stopping once.

Walking home in the downpour was unpleasant, to say the least. I was soaking through before I'd even gone half a block. By the time I'd gotten to my apartment, I was so wet I was certain I'd never be dry again. But hey, at least I have an apartment to hide in until the rest of this storm blows over.

Does it rain up in Heaven? Or is it always sunny up there?

I changed out of my soaking uniform and shoved it in the dryer.

I started on my homework and, quite honestly, I have only one thing to say: Algebra. Sucks.

When I'd battled my way through that, I pulled out the book we're reading for Language Arts. It's _The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, _and I'm almost finished with it. quite honestly, it scares me.

The main point of the story that scared me the most is that Hyde and Jekyll are essentially the _same person. _It's like when you're flipping a coin: no matter what side it lands on, it's still that same coin.

The only problem I have with the story (for it really is quite well written) is that they paint Jekyll, as completely and unquestionably the protagonist and Hyde as the antagonist, with no room at all for the alternate possibility, which is that Jekyll is the hirsute, murderous sociopath and Hyde is the more respectable man.

Well, I just succeeded in scaring myself silly, didn't I? Moving on, I've made you something special for your birthday. I won't tell just yet- it's supposed to be a surprise. Unless, of course, you can see everything I'm doing. Although, that would sort of ruin my whole purpose of writing to you in the first place.

To be a bit more upbeat (shocking for me, I know) my friends invited me to go to the arcade with them on Saturday. I just hope it doesn't turn out like the _last _time we went. Ha, ha, I am I right? Of course I am.

It surprised me that they even remembered my _name. _None of them had spoken to me in days. Still, they still want me to be their friend, ever since…well, the incident that I'd like to forget. Which, thanks in part to my unfortunate lapses in memory; I have mostly succeeded in doing.

Can I ask you a question? Well, even if I can't, I'm bloody well going to ask you anyway.

Do you honestly read the letters I send to you? Do you try to respond, but somehow get stopped? Do you brush these off without reading them? Or do you not even get these letters, in which case I'm just wasting my time?

If you can respond, please do- I know I've asked you this before, but I believe it's worth another shot.

How would you even respond, anyway?

Love,

Ryou


	12. Back Again

Dear Amane,

I'm so sorry. It seems as if I've had another several-month lapse in writing to you. And I suppose I owe you another explanation.

Well, it started when I was outside right after finishing my last letter to you. I was just walking around, nowhere to go, and nothing in particular to do. Then I realized that there were far more people out on the streets than I was normally accustomed to. At first, I thought nothing of it- they all seemed to be too preoccupied to pay me much attention anyway. Then I became curious as to the cause of the hullabaloo.

I tried asking around, but, as I said earlier, they were too exited to pay me any mind.

People were buzzing all around me, but I couldn't make out anything distinct. I couldn't see any of my friends, or anyone I knew for that matter. I figured that most of Domino must be out on the streets, judging by the sheer size of the crowd. But I still didn't see anyone from school.

Except my gym teacher. Yeah. That was really weird. Kairita snuck up behind me and gave me a big whack on the back, which succeeded in knocking the breath clean out of me.

He laughed at me, and asked me how I was doing. Which was a first, might I add. He asked me if I knew why everyone was so wound up. I told him no, smiling as best I could while still trying to catch my breath. He laughed again and told me he didn't know either.

He smacked me again, sending me falling to the ground and scraping my hands on the asphalt. I think that was his way of being friendly. As he walked away, still laughing (I felt like strangling him-that laugh was annoying), I picked myself up and began picking the little pieces of gravel out of my hands.

Great. So now, I'd have to go home and bandage up my hands.

I headed back to my apartment, digging through my medicine cabinet for bandages and rubbing alcohol. As I've said before, it's really not that pleasant. It _burns like crazy. _I wrapped my hands up and laid down in my bed to try and get some rest. And then…

…Forgive me. My head hurts so much. My arm, as well. That's a long story. I'm really tired as well. I hope you don't mind if I put off a more detailed explanation until my next letter.

Love,

Ryou


	13. It's a Long Story

Hi! I'm back! Anybody miss me?

*Crickets*

Anyway, thanks for sticking this far through my Japanese/Dub/Manga mash up! Enjoy the chapter!

BTW, I still do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! there, I finally remembered!

Dear Amane,

Okay, looks like there's no more getting around it. So, I'll just bite the bullet and start explaining. I hope you're sitting down somewhere. This could take a while.

I was lying in my bed, tired but at the same time wide awake. Curiosity truly is a weakness of mine. I stared up at the ceiling in the darkened room, wondering.

I wondered what the crowd was for. But I was tired, and in a few minutes, I drifted off to sleep.

The next thing I new I was in agony. I was standing on a hard surface, my legs shaking beneath me. They couldn't hold me up, and I collapsed to the ground, trembling like a leaf in a hurricane.

I didn't know where I was. My legs ached. My head was throbbing. I felt like crap. And I didn't even know how I'd gotten myself into this situation.

My worst source of pain was definitely my left arm, though. It was stiff and aching, and it throbbed violently with every beat of my heart.

I cradled my arm against my side, begging the agony to go away. Blood leaked through a cloth bandage on my arm, seeping through my fingers. I heard voices all around me, and they seemed to be arguing. Some were advocating I be destroyed. Others were demanding that I be taken to a hospital.

I opened my eyes, seeing everything through a thin haze. I saw Yugi standing a few meters away, appearing indecisive. There was a duel disk on my right arm for some reason. Slipher loomed in front of me, large enough to swallow me whole.

I heard Kaiba's voice, yelling, telling Yugi to finish me off. It's funny how Kaiba only wants someone finished off if they're (a) not him, and (b) defenseless.

I asked Yugi where I was. Why was I in a duel? What happened to my arm? Nobody answered me.

_Please, God, _I begged. _Just let me die. I want to die!_

"_We're about to win this, Marik! Yugi would never attack his friend Bakura!"_

Marik? Who the hell was Marik?

_God, please kill me!_

"Unless he doesn't want to lose his spot in the finals."

_Let me die!_

"_Marik, I must step in! I still need Bakura, and I can't risk his health! He holds the Millennium Ring, and my spirit! I must protect him! For the moment!"_

Then I suddenly became disconnected from my pain. From my body. I heard my other half goading Yugi into an attack.

Slipher launched its attack, and the light was nearly blinding. My other half turned to me, smirking.

"_Landlord," _he said, _"I may have lost this battle, but I will not lose this war. I will sacrifice this small victory to protect you. Because you hold my Ring and my Spirit, I will keep you safe. I'll gladly keep you under my wing until you're strong enough to fly on your own, little birdie._

At that point, I blacked out, and I think he did as well. I sorta-kinda woke up long enough to hear Yugi tell me I was "with friends."

When I came around fully, I was laying down with an IV in my arm, my aches and pains replaced by a dull throbbing.

I heard a soft, pretty voice call my name. I looked around and saw that it belonged to a soft, pretty girl. She smiled at me and told me her name was Serenity Wheeler, and she was Joey's little sister.

She had auburn hair and eyes the color of warm honey. She smiled at me. It was a beautiful smile…

She talked to me for a little bit until Joey called her away. As she left, I raised my hand out to her, as if begging her to stay. I don't think she saw it. I felt stupid, laying there like that, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to be left alone.

I don't know when I fell asleep again, but I found myself in a room that was the mirror image of the one I had back home. From the sky blue walls and pure white carpet, to the four-poster bed to the bookshelf and armchair tucked into a small nook in the corner, everything was the same.

Childish drawings adorned the walls. A finger paint set was open on a desk that had been pushed against a wall, a framed photograph of you and I as children, smiling at the camera. A box of crayons was scattered on the floor.

I knelt down and pushed the covers back to look underneath the bed.

It was pitch black, the darkness so thick it appeared to be solid. My heart began pounding and I pulled away.

I felt a hand grip my shoulders roughly. I was turned around to stare into a pair of cold mahogany eyes.

_His _eyes.

"Having fun, landlord?" he asked in a mocking tone.

"You know," he continued, "Not very many people get to see their soul chamber. I suppose you should consider yourself lucky."

I was confused, and asked him what he was talking about.

He gestured around at the room. "This is your soul chamber. It is a physical manifestation of everything about you. Your past, your present, your traumas, your complexes, your hopes, your dreams…and your fears."

"My…my fears?" I asked him.

He slapped his forehead in disgust.

"Look around you!" he barked. "At the walls!"

I did as he instructed, taking in all the childish artwork.

There was a page colored all in red. There was one with a monster hiding in the closet. A snake coiled to strike.

My other self was the subject of quite a few drawings. A few times, I see him covered in someone else's blood; sometimes he was holding a knife in his hand. The one that struck me the most was one that broke the tradition of childlike work by being highly realistic. He was holding me in his arms, and he had bound me with chains. He was smirking sadistically at me, and he was holding a knife to my throat.

"You're so cute sometimes, landlord," he chortled. "But that's not my favorite part of your room."

He pulled back the blanket of the bed again to reveal the all-consuming blackness.

"This, my dear host, is what you fear most of all," he said darkly. "The unknown. The future. What you cannot understand."

He shifted his weight from one leg to another, and I heard the sound of clanking metal. I looked down and saw a chain.

It was wrapped around his ankle three times, and trailed out the door. I asked why he was chained up.

His eyes narrowed and darkened, his hands curling into tight fists.

He led me out of my soul room and into his. It was a flat, pitch-black plane, stretching seemingly endlessly in all directions. His chain stretched off into the abyss, and he led me by the hand until it ended in a tether in what I assumed was the middle of the chamber.

I asked him why it was so dark.

"Because…if it's not dark…then he'll find me," my other half responded.

There was a rumble off in the distance.

"Oh, shit, not already!" he shouted. He turned to me. "Run," he said in a low voice, then, louder, he shouted, "Run!"

I complied out of instinct, or perhaps fear. I slammed the door of the soul chamber shut behind me. There was a horrible scream from my other half. It chilled my blood to think of what might have happened to him.

I returned to my chamber, trying to get the scream out of my head. Then, suddenly, everything went black. I don't know how long it took for me to come back around, but when I did, I was _starving. _So, I wandered into the kitchen and pulled some sundry items out of the refrigerator.

To make a long story short, Yugi and the others found me, we got off the island, and it blew up. You read right- Kaiba blew up his own island. Don't ask me why.

I got the chance to talk to Serenity again on the way home. It took me awhile to realize that I was quickly becoming infatuated with Joey's younger sister.

Needless to say, Tristan and Duke had a bit of a problem with all the attention Serenity was giving me, but she refused to speak to them. I felt a bit special, I guess. In a way, she reminds me of you. Sunny disposition, kind, caring personality…

Anyway, I got home and took some Ibuprofen and my blood medication in hopes it could make me feel better. Then I wrote my first letter to you, and now…well, you're pretty much up to speed.

I've got to finish my algebra homework I fell behind on in my absence, so I believe I'll leave off here.

Love,

Ryou


	14. Falling In Love

Dear Amane,

She showed up at my apartment yesterday. She took note of my ratty jeans off-white tee shirt- paler-than-normal kinda-lost-a-little-weight-sick as a dog appearance and mumbled something about coming back later. I instantly told her that she could come right in, admitting that I had just rolled out of bed when I heard her knock. She laughed at me.

I excused myself and went to get dressed. I emerged a few minutes later wearing my favorite jeans and my stripy shirt. She was sitting on the couch, reading a book I'd left out on the coffee table with a frightened expression on her face.

I coughed to alert her to my presence. She screamed and jumped about a foot in the air. Then she laughed and apologized for screaming. She confessed that the book was a little frightening for her, and put it down.

She said she was lonely because Joey, Yugi, Tristan, Duke and Tea were gone, and she wanted to talk to someone. So, she looked me up in the school directory and came to visit.

We talked for two whole hours, moving from one topic to the next, from Duel Monsters to summer jobs. She surprised me with just how much she knew. I would begin quoting a line from Shakespeare, only to have her finish the entire soliloquy. _Then_ she asked a question I wish had never come up.

"Bakura, where are your parents?"

That caught me off guard, and I found my voice gone for a moment before replying "I…I live on my own."

Then she asked why. I had to explain that my mother died, and my father didn't live with me any more. After that, we lapsed into an uncomfortable silence until I offered to go make some hot chocolate. She said okay, so I went and a few minutes later returned with two mugs of hot yummy goodness. (What? You know I love hot chocolate!)

We talked for a while longer, carefully avoiding all mention of parents. Eventually we decided on watching television. We found something good (imagine that- something good on television!) to watch and laughed with it together. Serenity has a beautiful laugh.

When the show concluded, it was dark out. Serenity seemed more than a little afraid of walking home in the dark, so I suggested she stay the night here. She protested at first, but I eventually persuaded her. Then we had another argument in which I had to convince her she would be better off sleeping in my bed.

So now, I'm laying on the couch with a blanket, loopy on Nyquil and writing a letter to you with a flashlight in my hand.

There's no getting around it now. I am falling in love with Serenity. I don't want to sound like an obsessed fan boy or anything, but it's the Lord's truth. She's beautiful, she's kind, she's intelligent, she's funny… everything I've ever hoped for in a girl.

I guess things are starting to look a bit up for me, but…there's something strange about how she deliberately puts more distance between us than what seems normal. And there was that look she gave me right after I scared her. Maybe it's just my paranoia talking, but I can't shake the feeling that she really doesn't care much for me.

It's just…I've lost so many people I've loved. And I don't want to lose her.

Not like, I've lost you.


	15. Libaries and Transparent Tee Shirts

Dear Amane,

Serenity tried to call her brother this morning, but he wouldn't answer the phone. So, she figured he must still be gone, and asked me if I was busy. I said no, even though I had some important exams coming up that I really should be studying for. Just for an excuse to be with her.

We went out to breakfast and spent the majority of the day at the library. She drew contentedly in her sketchbook while I read _War of the Worlds _in a squishy armchair.

I suppose we both lost track of time, and before I knew what was going on, the library was closing. We were ushered out by the fussy middle-aged librarian. Serenity and I laughed and make jokes about her as we tried to decide where to go for dinner. I confessed that I had quite a bit of money saved up from birthdays and such, and that my father pays the rent on my apartment, so I could pay for an evening out.

She suggested Burger World, and we walked the three blocks or so to get there.

"Hey, doesn't Tèa work here?" I asked.

She nodded as we placed our orders and sat down.

I asked to see what she had spent so much time drawing, and she blushed and pulled it out.

It was a portrait of me reading _War of the Worlds _in the library. I must admit, it was done in explicit detail and was really quite realistic. Every minute detail, from the sun casting shadows to the small, contemplative look on my face, was perfect.

"Wow! You really have a remarkable talent, Serenity!" I commented.

She turned bright red and closed the book.

"I'm really not that good," she muttered. "I'm still learning.

I was going to say something, but our food was ready, so I stood up to go get it.

I returned and set it down, grabbing my cheeseburger and taking a large bite. The flavors exploded in my mouth. In my opinion, there really aren't many better things in life than really good food.

We went over to Joey and Serenity's house afterwards, but it was locked up and nobody answered the door. Serenity mumbled something about her father being out drinking again, and not having a key to the house.

I offered my apartment again, but she was even more reluctant than last time to accept my offer. She said she didn't want to intrude any more than she had.

She finally relented when the sky conveniently decided to start pouring rain down on us. We started running home, but were still soaking when we got inside.

I let Serenity take a shower, lounging in the living room while I was waiting.

She was so innocent… but she'd been hurt in her life. I reminded myself that her mother took her away from Joey and her father when they were small children. I know how that feels…

She came out with her hair hanging in dripping strands, wearing an old shirt of mine that was far too big and made itself a dress on her.

We watched television for a while. Or, rather, she watched television. I watched her.

Her wet hair soaked through the fabric of the white shirt, making it completely transparent. She was wearing pink underwear…

Oh, look at me! I sound like a total pervert now, don't I? I'll just stop now.

I realized that I neglected to conclude my letter properly to you yesterday, so I'll make sure I do it now.

Love,

Ryou

**A/N **I'm thinking of just quitting this story, but I want to know what other people think before I run the risk of making people mad. So please review and tell me if I should continue!


	16. I'm an Idiot

Yay! My little sister persuaded me to not quit my story, so I'm keeping it up!

Dear Amane,

Well, I've done it. I've gone and ruined any chance I had at getting Serenity to love me.

She woke me up in the middle of the night, sounding panicked. She said I'd been screaming in my sleep and asked what was wrong.

I sat up on the couch and insisted it was nothing. She asked me why I couldn't talk to her- after all, she said, we were friends, weren't we? And you know how I responded?

"Because my life is just too fucked up for you to understand, bitch!"

No kidding, I actually said that! I can't believe I would do that to her! My Serenity. My angel.

No…

…Not _my _Serenity…not _my _angel. She's not mine, and she will never be mine. It's that simple.

She started crying and ran back into my room and slammed the door. She emerged a minute or so later, fully clothed, and said she was leaving. I had no choice but to watch her go. She slammed the front door as well, setting the dog next door to barking.

So now, I'm in trouble with the landlord _and _I've got no friends.

Almost makes me wish I was still possessed.

Ryou

Okay, short chapter, but I have no life, so I've got nothing better to do. Please, please, PLEASE REVIEW!


	17. Goodbye

Dear Amane,

Is it normal to feel good when you're cutting yourself? Because, when I ran that razorblade over my skin, I felt a sort of sick pleasure. I was distracting myself from the pain inside me with the pain on my skin.

Anyway, that's not what I'm trying to tell you. This is what you need to know:

I give up.

I give up trying to make Serenity care about me.

I give up trying to make _you _hear me.

Don't expect to hear from me again.

Ryou

**A/N **no, this isn't the last chapter. Ryou's just frustrated right now. Please leave a review. I'm always open to new ideas and ways to improve. Just don't flame me.


	18. I'm Sorry

Dear Amane,

I'm so sorry.

I am so, so sorry.

I hope you can forgive me for what I said last time. I really didn't mean it. I was just angry. I owe you an explanation.

First off, I tried to talk to Serenity at school, but she ran off before I could say anything. I tried to follow her, but she worked her way into a huge crowd, making it impossible to find her.

Second, dad sent me a letter today. Nothing profound, just talking about his latest trip to Egypt. Like I care.

Third, it's been four months since Yugi and the others disappeared into thin air, and I haven't heard a word from them since. It's driving me crazy!

At least I used to have my other half to talk to, but I lost the Millennium Ring back in Battle City. I find it odd- he usually comes back within a week.

Oh, please! Don't tell me I actually _miss _him! He stole my identity, tried to kill my friends, was planning God only knows what, then disappeared into thin air without so much as a goodbye! And still, I miss him? What has gotten into me?

Maybe…it's because he's become so much a part of me that it's been hard to let go- like trying to leave an abusive lover. It's hard because, in spite of everything they've done to you or to others, they're a part of your life in such a way that parting with them is like tearing off your arm.

I bet I sound insane, now don't I? Maybe I just need therapy. Could it be that I'm already insane, and everything going on around me is just part of my sick, twisted imagination.

Dad always said I had an overactive imagination.

Oh, Amane, I can't stress enough how sorry I am for my last letter. I just feel so lost, and angry, and I want to lash out at someone, but I can't lash out on anyone living, so I just settle for yelling at you. It's not right, and I'm so sorry. I really do love you, Amane. Please don't hate me.

Love,

Ryou


	19. I'm in Trouble

**A/N **I am stuck sick at home today, so I decided to update! Yippee!

Dear Amane,

Well, I got myself into a little bit of trouble today.

I was relaxing during the break period, just minding my own business, when Serenity decided to come up and try to talk to me. I tried ignoring her, but she refused to be ignored. She grabbed my arm.

I cried out in pain and pulled away. She grabbed it again and rolled up the sleeve. I heard her gasp.

There wasn't much untouched skin left on the underside of my arm. Scars and cuts in various stages of healing ran everywhere. Some were completely random; some formed a pattern. And under it all, I could still see the words carved into my skin by my other half so many years ago. _I only did what you let me do._

Serenity grabbed my hand and left the school with me. I asked her where she was taking me.

"My house," she said shortly.

She led me over the railroad tracks and up to the door of the beaten up house. The paint was peeling off the front door, and the lock was rusted so badly it was a miracle it still worked.

She turned the handle and pushed the door open.

"Daddy?" she called into the dark house. "Daddy? Are you here?"

No answer. Serenity pulled me into the kitchen and sat me down on the counter, telling me to take off my jacket. She rummaged through the old cupboards until she found a first aid kit.

She cleaned my cuts and wrapped up my arms. Her eyes were full of tears, but she worked in deathly silence.

When she had finished, she still didn't look up. I stood and tried to leave, but she grabbed me by the collar of my shirt. For such a tiny girl, she's strong.

She asked me why I was cutting myself. She didn't sound angry, she didn't sound upset. If anything, she sounded disappointed. Disappointed that I would sink so low.

I told her about my life, bluntly and completely, leaving nothing out. Well, _almost _nothing. I still don't have the guts to tell her how I feel about her.

Then she told me, in a quiet voice, that she knew what it was like when your father wasn't there. She knew how it felt when you wanted to be with your family so badly, but knowing it couldn't happen. Then she started crying. I asked her why.

She said she felt bad for me. She said that she was able to see her brother again, but I'd never be able to see you. She told me that she couldn't imagine what it would be like to never be able to see someone you loved. To never talk to them again.

I tried telling her about the letters I write to you, and then she started crying harder. So, I hugged her.

She didn't try and push me away. She didn't get mad at me. She simply let me hold her, crying into my shoulder.

I wanted to hold her tighter, but it hurt too badly when I tried. So, I just kept them wrapped loosely around her, resting my head on hers. I wasn't sure whether I should cry with her, so I decided against it.

I feel a little better now that I've gotten this close to Serenity, but now I have a new fear. I'm worried that, now that I've held her, now that we've shared this moment…what if I can never let her go?

Things would never work out between us. I know that. My life is too complicated. She needs someone with less emotional baggage. But I don't think I'll ever be able to give this up. This feeling…of being wanted…of having something beyond myself…I don't want that to go away. I don't want to give this up.

No, I _won't _give this up.

I'm sorry, I'm sure I must sound like a lunatic.

Anyway, we talked for a while, but then it was getting dark, so I decided to go home. I didn't want to get jumped by a gang or anything.

I guess things are getting brighter again. I just hope the clouds give the sun a chance to shine before it rains again.

Love,

Ryou

**A/N **d'aww, kinda sweet, isn't it? Anyway, please review! I live for my reviews!


	20. Bruised Arms at Graduation

Dear Amane,

I am so angry right now that I don't even know where to start. I'm so mad I can't even see straight!

It's the last day of school, and I was watching the older students graduating. It was kind of amusing, I suppose. Just standing around watching people get a piece of paper to kill time.

I got a tap on the shoulder. I turned around. It was Serenity. She held herself awkwardly in a sort of self-embrace. She said she needed to talk to me, and that it was important. A part of her hair was covering her left eye.

I followed her behind the school into the cranny where I usually eat my lunch.

Serenity told me that she couldn't see me any more. I asked her why, and she started crying, chanting "I can't. I just can't."

It was my turn to grab her arms. As she was in a sleeveless dress, I didn't have anything to roll up to see that her arms were bruised. I brushed back her hair to see that it had been covering a black eye.

"My daddy…doesn't want me to see you," she confessed. "I told him I wouldn't listen, but then he-"

I quieted her, holding her against my chest so she couldn't see my hate-filled expression.

I _hate _that man, Amane! I hate him for daring to touch Serenity like that-to hurt her in any way. How _dare _he threaten her? How _dare _he raise his hand against her? How _dare _he bruise her beautiful skin? How _dare _he?

I hate that man enough to kill him. I want him to pay for hurting her. For touching _my _Serenity.

I would walk into that drunken bastards house right now, but I must confess that I value my life too much to do that. So, I settled for offering her a place to sleep, to get away from her father. This time, she agreed full heartedly.

I did my best to cook dinner, but I suffered from, to use a common phrase, an epic fail. Serenity laughed at me and took my place at the stove.

We talked over dinner about nothing in particular. I would try to tell a joke to get a laugh out of her. I noticed that whenever she laughed she covered her mouth tightly with both of her hands.

"Um, Serenity…if you don't mind me asking, why do you do that?"

"Um…My mom always got mad at me when I laughed out loud, so I…you know."

She went on to tell me about the other ways her mother derides her, from how she sits to when she goes to bed.

Great. Physical abuse from her father. Emotional abuse from her mother. That's just great. As if I needed to be any angrier.

She's asleep on the couch right now. At the moment, I'm also on my laptop, trying to get an idea of where Yugi and the others might be. It's been six months; school is almost over…where are they?

Well, I won't worry about it at the moment. I just need to get some sleep.

Love,

Ryou


	21. Grand Destiny

Dear Amane,

Wow. I seem to have forgotten to write to you for a really long time. This time my excuse really isn't as amazing and out-there as some of the others that I've come up with, it's, at the very least, a half-decent excuse.

It seems like I've just been so busy with my summer job and everything that I simply forgot about it. Well, I suppose I should catch you up to speed on what's been going on.

First of, Yugi and the others _finally _decided to show back up to school. They filled me in about Yugi losing his soul in a duel and winning a tournament hosted by Kaiba Corp. They all talked about how _amazing _Yugi was. How _brave _Yugi was, and he's not even the one who ever duels! The Pharaoh is the King of Games, and he's just a frightened child cowering behind someone stronger than he is.

I glared at the wall, not saying anything. Joey asked if something was wrong. I stood up and walked out of the building. Not a good start to my senior year, but still.

This leads me to what I want to tell you about. Lately I've been having the same dream every night. It starts out with me running. I don't know why, or what I'm running away from. All I know is that if I stop running, I'll die.

I take a turn, trip, and fall down some stairs. I scramble back onto my feet, clutching a bloody wound on my cheek.

I turn around and see people being thrown into a giant cauldron of boiling gold. I want to scream, but I can't. And then there's this priest chanting something, and then I wake up.

I (sort of) got an explanation for it when I went to the museum. I needed somewhere to go after I walked out of school, and that was the first thing that popped into my head. Ishizu Ishtar was generous enough to leave her collection here in Domino when she, Marik and Odion went back to Egypt.

I was staring at the giant rock, and the picture of what I assumed was my other half battling the Pharaoh with Diabound.

Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jerked around. It was that Shaddi guy I met here a year ago.

"Why have you come here, boy?" he asked.

I told him pointedly about the dreams I'd been having. He nodded, as if he understood. He pulled the Millennium Key from around his neck and laid it across my forehead.

It glowed, and we were standing above a burning village. A little boy had a slightly younger girl by the hand, and they were running.

"Take note of the boy, young one," Shaddi told me.

I felt myself shaking as I watched them. An explosion blew them apart. The boy tried to make it back, but soldiers got to her first.

"Amane!" the boy screamed, tears filling his eyes. "_Amane!"_

"Big brother!"

I think this is when it became hard to breathe. _Amane._

The boy stood there for a moment crying before running away; possibly knowing he couldn't help her.

He turned and fell down some stairs.

The same stairs I fell down in my dreams.

Shaddi and I were somehow transported to the inner chamber where the final events of my dream took place. And I just watched. There was nothing I could do.

There was an explosion, and everyone cleared out. All except for the boy.

It was only after everyone else was gone that he screamed. Oh, God almighty, I will _never _forget that scream.

I felt dizzy. Black dots started creeping into the corners of my vision. I vaguely felt someone shaking me, shouting at me, telling me to breathe. I felt myself falling, everything getting blacker and farther away, the boy's mournful crying still echoing in my ears.

When I came around, I felt a hand on my forehead and fingers at my throat, my blood pulsing under the pressure.

I don't know why, but I could have sworn Shaddi looked relieved that I was still alive.

"Are you feeling alright?" he asked, sitting beside me.

"Been better."

He then proceeded to explain to me what I'd just seen. He told me that I was seeing events from my previous life.

He then explained that when a spirit is sealed within a Millennium Item, the trauma of the process rips the soul in half. The half that remains unsealed then gets reincarnated in another time. He said that I would be playing an important role in the Pharaoh's destiny.

That's when I got angry.

"Well, that figures!" I shouted. "You may have _told _me that I had a destiny just for me, but _obviously _you were lying through your teeth! I don't get a story of my own, but yeah, I can 'play an important' role in the _grand _destiny of the _almighty _Pharaoh!"

Shaddi looked irritated. "You will get a story of your own, but _only _when the story of the Pharaoh is complete."

"Right," I smirked, walking out of the museum. I should have just gone home in the first place.

Anyway, yeah. Great story, huh? I just wish any of it made a bit of sense.

Love,

Ryou


	22. He's Back

Dear Amane,

He's back.

I was just walking home from soccer practice. Kairita's been working us really hard so we can qualify for the national championship, so it was dark by the time I set out. The only noises I could hear were the pattering of my ball as I tossed it up and down, and the shuffling of my jeans. It seemed so peaceful.

That's when I heard him.

_It's been a little while, eh, landlord?_

I froze. My soccer ball fell out of my hands and rolled away, but it seemed detached. Unreal. This had to be a dream…there was no way that it was real.

_Oh, I assure you that this is real, _my other half mocked. _And that __**I **__am real._

I ran, and not to brag or anything, I was going pretty fast. I guess a year of playing offense was good for me.

Still, I began to get tired. I took a turn past a flickering streetlight and tripped.

_And where do you think __**you're **__going? _My other half asked.

I got back up and kept running.

_This can't be happening, _I screamed in my head. _Not __**again!**_

I ran into the church, trying to catch my breath.

"Father?" I called, hoping to find the priest. I needed help, and if anyone could save me, he could.

The candles leapt to life, accompanied by dark laughter that echoed off the church walls.

"Stop it!" I demanded. "Stay away from me!"

_I can't do that, _my other half said simply. _We still have a mission to complete._

"Mission?"

_How quickly we forget. Allow me to remind you. Does the term 'Millennium Item' sound familiar? Well you promised to help me obtain all seven, and at the moment we only have one. But not to worry. I know where the others are. I just need someone to __**take **__me to them. And that's where __**you **__come in. After all; you're the vessel that allows me to exist in this world. Now stop resisting and join me!_

"Never!" I shouted, trying to hide my fear.

_What makes you think I'm giving you the choice? You __**will **__help me, and the greatest power that ever existed will me __**mine!**_

"You can't force me!"

_That's where you're wrong, __**mortal.**_

The windows of the church shattered, pieces of glass flying around me. I screamed as I felt the darkness once again grip every corner of my mind.

_I've waited long enough! _My other half announced triumphantly, the voice now resounding through my mind instead of the church. _The darkest shadow game in five millennia will now begin!_

He took me over, but this time was different from the others. Instead of him completely suppressing my soul, I was still aware of the world around me, but it was different. I watched as he used _my _hands to knock out a storeowner and tack a long black coat. I watched as he attacked Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood with _my _hands. I watched as he taunted Yugi and the Pharaoh with _my _voice, and duel Seto Kaiba with _my _deck. It was all so strange, and all so frightening.

He went back into my apartment and told me I had half an hour to do whatever I wanted, and I wanted to write to you. my hands are shaking so badly that I can hardly write.

I'm scared.

I know what he's planning, and I don't like it. I don't want anything to happen to my friends, because they're all I have left that makes life worth living.

As I write this, I have a few minutes left. The Millennium Ring is hanging around my neck once again.

I only hope that everything works out alright.

Love,

Ry-

_O wow, landlord. You really are pathetic. Writing letters to a dead little sister? _

_Anyway, __**Amane, **__I'm sorry to cut your big brother's letter short, but we're going to miss our flight._

**A/N **please leave a review!


	23. Pharaoh Won

Dear Amane,

It's all over. He's gone. But I'm not happy about it.

It's funny. I've always hoped and prayed that this day would come, but now that it's here…I wish he was back.

I blacked out while writing this letter to you, as I'm sure you are aware. I don't know how long I was out for, but I started seeing images pass through my mind.

I watched my other half Bakura fighting against the Pharaoh and the others. Against my better judgment, I was secretly cheering him on. I wanted him to win. Especially after what I had seen. What had happened to him…

My other ha Bakura didn't win, though. He managed to summon Zorc Necrophades, but at a horrible cost. He lost his own life. And then Yugi and the Pharaoh still won.

Later, Yugi and the Pharaoh dueled. Yugi won, so the Pharaoh could leave to the spirit world. The temple collapsed, trapping the Millennium Items inside.

That night, I saw the Pharaoh and Bakura standing before the judgment of Maat. The Pharaoh passed, but Bakura failed. I saw terror in his eyes as his heart sank below the feather.

He let out a resigned sigh, and asked if he could do one thing before he was destroyed. Thoth took pity on him and agreed.

Then suddenly I stood before him. he looked me in the eye, unshed tears sparkling there.

"So," I said flatly. "This is goodbye."

"Yes," he responded. "But there's something I must tell you before I go."

He took me by the shoulders.

"I was wrong," he said sadly. "I wasted my whole life on my revenge, and in the end it wasn't worth anything. I abused you, when you deserve to be treasured. You deserve to have friends-"

"I _have _friends," I shouted.

"Oh, really?" Bakura sounded angry now. "Name one thing that those fools have done for you that was genuinely out of the kindness of their own hearts."

I was silent. I couldn't think of a single thing.

"Listen to me, Ryou."

I froze. Never, in all our time together, had he ever called me by name.

"Listen. You and I, we're the same. We are of one blood. But you have always been stronger than I have. You've endured more than I could ever bear, and done it with a smile on your face. But, I know your heart. You pretend to be fine, but deep inside you're aching. And that was my fault. I allowed Zorc's influence to corrupt my mind and warp me into something that I never wanted to be, and I ended up hurting myself for it. I ended up hurting you. I've scarred you in both body and spirit. All I can hope for now is that you are not broken beyond repair." He broke down crying. I never thought I would ever see him cry.

"Hear me, Ryou," he begged. "Don't pretend to be something you're not. If you're hurting inside, don't lock it away in your heart, or it will build up until you explode. You will be miserable and lonely for the rest of your life, and you don't deserve that. you're better than that. you deserve the world."

I stood there. How could he have not passed the judgment? Before me stood a broken man, who had been through hell and survived. Here was a man who was apologizing from the bottom of his heart. A man who was only trying to survive. How could he be judged so harshly for trying to live?

I turned to Thoth and Maat.

"There has to be another way," I pleaded. "Please don't let him be destroyed."

Maat slowly shook her head.

"What's done is done," Thoth told me gravely. "It cannot be turned back now."

"But-"

Bakura cut me off.

"I'm ready for this, Ryou," he told me, giving me a small, sad smile. He brushed his hair out of his face, revealing his scar. "Besides, just because I am devoured does not mean that I will be gone. As long as you live on, so will I."

He turned to face Ammit, who coiled up, ready to spring. He craned his neck to look at me one more time.

"Say my name," he begged. "Please. Say my name, to prove that I once lived."

"Bakura!" I yelled. "Bakura!"

He smiled. "Farewell."

Ammit sprung. I watched in horror as Bakura screamed and writhed as the creature tore the flesh off him.

I was shaken awake by a frightened Yugi. The others were crowded around me, looking concerned.

"You were shouting," Yugi informed me. "We've been trying to wake you up for the past five minutes."

I rolled over, insisting I was fine, but I'm not sure that they bought it.

We got home yesterday morning, but I slept through that day and most of this one. It's about ten o'clock at night, but I wanted to tell you what happened.

I don't know much, but one thing I know for sure. Bakura didn't deserve to die.

And the Pharaoh did not deserve to live.

**A/N **wow, I've been updating fast, haven't I? Anyway, I am craving reviews. So please review!


	24. Misery

Dear Amane,

Oh, Amane. I don't feel well at all. I feel tired and sick to my stomach. It's not because of any disease of the flesh. It's a disease of the heart. It feels like something has grabbed hold of me and won't let me free.

I talked to the priest today after church. Rather, he came up to me and asked if something was wrong. This time, I said yes.

I told him that I don't feel right. Ever since Bakura died, I felt like I've been missing half of my own soul. I told him I feel bad because it was getting close to Christmas and lights and laughter were surrounding me constantly, but I feel miserable.

The priest tried to console me, telling me that it was all part of God's plan for me, and that I was far from being beyond saving. I couldn't stand all his talk about God and salvation anymore, so I walked home.

It was snowing outside. Do you remember how much you used to love snow? I remember too, but now all I think of is how well blood shows against the white.

I remember when white used to be my favorite color. So pure, so innocent. But now I realize that it is just a blank canvas, something to be corrupted. It stands for purity, but purity never lasts.

There's an Evanescence song that sort of fits my current train of thought. The lyrics are kind of fuzzy…let me see if I can remember.

I still remember the world

_Through the eyes of a child._

_Slowly those feelings _

_Were clouded by what I know now._

_Where has my heart gone?_

_An uneven trade for the real world_

_Oh I…I want to go back to_

_Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all._

Yeah, I think that's it.

Yugi invited me to spend Christmas Eve with him and his grandfather. I may go, just for the sake of the company. That and I'm desperately trying to prove Bakura wrong. I'm trying to prove that they really are my friends. That they really do care for me and do things for me out of the kindness of their hearts.

Amane, if you could turn back time and make things the way they were, would you? I know I would. There are so many things I never would have done. I would never have fought with you over the Change of Heart. I would have never taken the Ring from father.

But then again, if I had not gone through what I have, I never would have met Serenity. She's coming over tomorrow and I'm going to talk duel monsters with her. Maybe that will keep my mind off other things.

Love,

Ryou

**A/N **thanks for reading! I'll have a new chapter up as soon as I get three reviews for this one


	25. Joining You

Dear Amane,

I feel so tired, Amane. Sick and tired of this world I'm forced to live in. I'm surrounded by people all day, and I can't stand any of them. I'm sick of all the lies, the fake smiles, the misery, and the loneliness. I just want out, Amane. So, I pulled all the painkillers out of the medicine cabinet and took them all.

Even as I'm writing this, I feel sick and dizzy. But I'll feel better soon enough. There's no way I'm getting into Heaven, Amane. No-I've sinned too much for that.

So, I'll look up at you from Hell.

Love,

Ryou


	26. Ripped in Half

**A/N **no, last chapter wasn't the last chapter! Just thought I'd say it.

Dear Amane,

I can't believe this, but I'm still alive.

Apparently, a neighbor of mine was knocking at my door, and when I didn't answer, she opened the door and saw I wasn't breathing she called nine-one-one.

Long story very, _very _short, I lived. And, strangely enough, I'm not grateful for it. Nobody bothered telling Joey and the others, and none of my "friends" seemed to care that I was gone for a month.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but it has to be said. I miss Bakura. I miss him so much that it's ripping me apart inside. He was the closest thing to a friend and a father I've ever known, and that's so depressing I think I'm going to cry.

I'm sick of this, Amane. I'm sick of living in a world without you. But I won't try to kill myself again. I'll just keep quiet and maybe I'll be able to make it through the rest of my life.

Bakura told me I shouldn't stay bottled up like this, but I'm really not strong enough to tell them how I feel. How could h e say I'm braver and stronger than he was? he had all the strength and the charisma, and what am I? The answer to that is simple.

Worthless.

Weak.

Nothing.

Love,

Ryou

I can has reviews?


	27. Christmas

Dear Amane,

December fifteenth. I can't believe it's already so close to Christmas.

Do you remember when Christmas filled us with such wonder? When we would try to stay up all night waiting for Santa Claus, but we would always fall asleep? I remember.

I remember when we'd wake up mum would be there by the tree smiling, and how dad would always come down late, and we'd get impatient because we'd have to wait for him to get up. Then we would open the presents and you always looked so happy.

Remember the time when Aunt Rachel came over Christmas day with our cousin Matthew, and he threw his plate in my face? I wish that was all I had to worry about these days.

I feel like an empty shell, walking through life, living, breathing, but I don't _feel _anything anymore.

I hate, really, truly _hate _to admit this, but I wish Bakura was still using my body. At least back then I had a purpose. I was important to someone- even if it was only to use me.

Can anybody save me from the dark? Can anybody cure the disease that's eating me away inside? Will the sun ever shine in my life again? Will springtime ever come? Will I ever be happy again?

Nobody listens

_For nobody cares to._

_Nobody questions_

_For nobody dares to._

_I'm lost inside a maze of grief_

_I can't find a way out._

_Nobody can hear me_

_No matter how I shout._

_I hide inside myself to see_

_If I can find my destiny_

_I often wonder to myself_

_If I disappeared today_

_If I were to die_

_Would anybody mourn for me?_

_Would anybody cry?_

I ask myself this over and over again, but only one answer plagues my mind:

No.

Love,

Ryou

**A/N **Thanks for reading! I'll post another chapter after I get a few reviews for this one. :D


	28. Back To Life

Dear Amane,

The most amazing thing happened today. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but something happened that brought me back to life.

I was just walking home from speaking with the priest, feeling dead and ready to give up.

I'd finally had a falling out with my 'friends'. They were probably just teasing me, but I couldn't stand it anymore. I stood up and yelled at them. I flat-out _lost _it and told them everything I'd been harboring inside me all these years. I even told them about you, and the letters I write to you because I have nobody else to turn to. They looked shocked as they watched me go.

I went to the church to talk to the priest. He told me that it wasn't wrong for me to share my anger with my friends. He told me it was normal, and I didn't have to suffer in silence anymore. I stormed out of there, too. And that's when it happened.

It was snowing again. I saw a brother and sister playing and laughing with each other. They looked so happy…just like we used to.

The little girl looked up and saw me watching them. She stood up and came over to me.

She asked me why I was upset. When I didn't answer, she pulled on my pant leg until I looked down. She had blue eyes and soft black hair. She was probably the most adorable child I've ever seen.

She smiled at me and gave me a hug.

"If you're feeling sad," she told me, "it's okay. You'll be happy someday."

Maybe it was what she told me. Maybe it was that she hugged me. Maybe it was the simple fact that she cared. I knelt down and hugged her for a long lime, crying. At some point, the older brother came up and hugged me as well.

They didn't even know my name, and yet they were comforting me, asking me to play with them. I lost track of time as we went from building forts to snowball fighting. We stayed out until it was dark and their mother called them in. they smiled and waved goodbye. I smiled and waved back, and for the first time, the smile was real.

It's strange, but I feel…happy, Amane. Funny, I'd completely forgotten what being happy felt like.

I'm grateful, too. Grateful that I'm alive. Grateful that I was able to pull through and rediscover what it means to be really and truly alive.

I'm not going to apologize to Yugi and the others, though. No-I'm through apologizing for things that aren't my fault. I'm going to wait for _them _to apologize for leaving me out and making me feel worthless. When they do, I'll accept it. Hopefully then they won't just call me their friend- they'll treat me like one.

Listen to me! I've gotten terribly headstrong, haven't I? Anyway, I'll write you again soon!

Love,

Ryou


	29. Here to Stay

Dear Amane,

I scared pretty much everyone at school today by being chatty and genuinely happy for once. Several students asked me if I was feeling alright, several girls asked me if I had a girlfriend, and my English teacher commented on how loud I was being.

I smiled and waved at her as she left.

I opened my locker after school to find a flood of apology mail from my friends. I was happy to get it, and I sat with them at lunch. I finally felt like I was a part of the group. They laughed with me and talked to me, rather than ignoring me.

If this is a dream, I don't think I ever want to fall asleep again. Then again, if this is a dream, I don't ever want to wake up.

That's not even the best part, though. The best part is I finally got the courage to ask Serenity on a date, and she agreed.

Sure, things were rough for a while, but I think I can genuinely say that it's good to be alive.

And this time, I'm not worried about it going away. I really think that this good luck is here to stay.

Love,

Ryou


	30. Life is Good

Dearest Amane,

Wow. It's been thirteen years since I last wrote to you. I found two binders full of my old letters when I was cleaning out the attic, and spent two hours reading these, laughing where i used to laugh, crying where I used to cry.

I'm happy to say that I have been very happily married to Serenity for a little more than ten years. I have made a successful career for myself in archaeology. I try not to be gone too much, because I can't stand being apart from my family for long.

I have two children, and one more on the way. My oldest is eight, a little girl we named Amanda, after our mother. We named our now five year old son is named Joseph, but we call him Joey. It's pretty obvious whom we named him after. We're planning to name our unborn daughter Amane.

It hasn't been all happy, though. Serenity's brother Joey died the day after we came back from our honeymoon because of an altercation with his old gang. Our second son died only a few days after he was born. Yugi and Tèa divorced after eight years of what seemed like a perfect marriage. He never did get over it after the Pharaoh left. And as for father-, we aren't speaking anymore.

Despite everything, though, I'm happy. God has been gracious to me, and I thank him for it. I have a good life, a good job, and most importantly, a good outlook on life.

I believe in miracles now, Amane. I know I've seen some. Because, in spite of everything that can go wrong, I still have two beautiful children to read to at night, and a perfect wife who stands by my side through everything.

I won't be writing to you anymore. Because, all I have to do is think about you and I feel like you're right beside me.

Life can wound us. Some cuts take a long time to heal. But eventually, they fade away into scars. We never really forget them, and they'll always be there, but they don't have to hurt.

Because no matter how dark or long a night may seem, the sun will always rise to reveal a sweet tomorrow.

All My Love,

Ryou

**A/N **This is the end. Thanks for reading! Please review, and see you later! I might to an epilogue. Maybe.


	31. Letter from Amane

Dear Ryou,

I don't know if this letter will ever reach you, but I feel like I owe it to you to write at least once.

I'm so proud of you, big brother. Even though things got really tough for you, you somehow managed to pull it together. I've always admired that about you. And, as much as I hate to admit it- I envy you.

You were given a shot at life that I'll never have. And because of that, I beg you to make the most of the time you have, however much longer it might be.

And about this Bakura character…all I can say is that I'm not angry with him for what he's done to you. I pity him for what he's been through. Nobody should have to witness what he did. So, I forgive him. For everything.

I'm glad you and Serenity were able to work things out. I hope you'll always be happy with her, for however long you may have her. You deserve it, big brother.

Mum and I are very happy up here, even though we miss you a lot. As for Dad…well, you know how Dad is. Whenever he comes up to join us, I'll be sure to tell him how disappointed I am at him. Until then, I wish him only the best.

I'm sorry I didn't try to write earlier, but to be honest; I was scared about what might happen. Maybe people would think you were insane or something.

I really can't tell you how proud you make me, big brother, You've only ever done what you thought was right, even though it hurt. Even so, I am a little disappointed in you. You kept all your pain locked up inside of you, and that's not healthy at all. You should have told someone sooner than you did. Still, you did all you could. I suppose I wouldn't tell anyone if I was in your position, anyway.

I love you so much, Ryou. Mummy says hello. We wish you nothing but happiness for the rest of your life.

Love,

Amane

**A/N **and that's it! thanks to all my beautiful reviewers!


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